This post contains some graphic information about my miscarriage.
Sheldon and I have been so hopeful and positive that this pregnancy would be the one. This was the baby that I would carry to term, and though it may not have been the best timing, we were still excited and making plans.
I went in to see my doctor when I thought I was 8 weeks, I turned out being only 4 weeks but honestly the earlier the better in my case! They continued to monitor me and I went in for Hcg and progesterone testing every few days. My progesterone levels were very low, so they put me on a supplement and continued to monitor me. At about 6 weeks my Hcg wasn’t at a strong level so I went in for an emergency ultrasound to the hospital to see if she could find baby and a heart beat. While looking at my ultrasound the sonographer noticed my uterus was heart shaped and contained 2 horns, something we will talk about later, but there was my sweet little grain of rice, with a nice sized yolk sac and a big beating heart.
My mom was in town for my 8 week ultrasound. Baby looked like a big headed gummy bear, and had a heart beat of 167. Alittle high but nothing to be concerned with at the time. My doctor ran some more tests and everything came back normal. Nothing was concerning, by 8 weeks most studies show that a baby with a heart beat has a 98% chance of continuing through the pregnancy. I went from a high risk to a low risk pregnancy, and was so happy and hopeful about my little bear growing strong inside me.
I woke up the morning of July 11th with severe cramping and brownish discharge, I was worried so I called my aunt and she said its probably nothing to worry about but to call my doctor and see if I could get in. I ended up going to class and called my doctor around 9:20, explained my symptoms and the medical assistant was able to get me in around 10:45 to check things out. They started with a Doppler couldn’t find a heart beat. Then a belly ultrasound, still no heart beat, moving on to a transvaginal ultrasound, and we could see baby.. But baby had no heart beat. I should have been 10 weeks 7 days at this point, but little bear only measure at 9.5 weeks. I ended up going home and scheduling a DnC with him on the following Monday so that we could do genetic testing and see if we could figure out what was going on with my pregnancies.
I went home and told my family and friends the news before heading home to.. Sit, Love on my dogs and not think about the child I was losing.
My cramping was pretty bad, and I was bleeding but the rule is one pad an hour before heading to the hospital, so that night I slept in my own bed. My husband was out of town for wilderness fire training, honestly I just have the worst timing with bad news and pregnancies because he’s always gone somewhere. I told him not to worry, I’d done this before so I knew I could do it again.. I just didn’t know i would be doing it naturally.
The next day I went to my mother in laws because I wasn’t feeling well. My cramping was worse and so was my bleeding but I wasn’t down to a pad an hour yet, so I tried to hold off going to the ER. Until around 6 pm. My pain had gotten so bad it was radiating down my legs and into my knees and ankles making it really hard to walk. My mother in law ended up taking me to the ER where we spent 4 hours, I got 2 morphine injections which made me feel worse in a different way, they gave me an ultrasound and confirmed that baby and placenta were still in there and attached.
Here is the last ultrasound I got of baby at the ER.
Then the ER doctor gave me an exam and swabbed around inside me until more cramping started. They ended up giving me some norco and sending me home. The on call OB, didn’t once come look at me, or check to see what was happening, she simply looked at whatever information the ER doctor gave her and paged down for me to go home. The ER doctor told me that at this size they would rather me miscarry naturally, and I should go home and rest. I told then over and over to call my doctor because we had a different plan.. But they sent me home. She did tell me that the OB on call would get me in for a DnC the next day if it what I really wanted to do, and that I couldn’t eat past midnight.
We got home around 1130, I was in pain so I wasn’t hungry, and that’s when the contractions started 5-6 minutes apart, lasting over a minute.
I went through 10+ hours of labor pains, roughly started around 8 pm before the ER, but becoming increasingly worse after and progressing throughout the night. I found myself in the bathtub around 3 am when my contractions were 3-4 minutes apart and over a minute long. While in the tub I was mainly passing alot of blood and clots, but the warmth of the water helped me to relax my body through the contractions. I was texting my aunt through all of this any my mom called me to try and distract me from the pain, but.. Finally around 4 am, being exhausted as hell, I climbed out of the tub and into a pair of my hubby’s big sweats and climbed on the couch to try and sleep. I’d sleep about 2 minutes before being awoken by a contraction, now I don’t know if these contractions are the same as if I was giving labor to a 9 month old baby, but let me tell you, it was no walk in the park. I could hardly walk to be honest, and walking made the bleeding and contractions that much worse.
Around 7 am, I had one last big contraction when I felt the need to “push” and I heard a “popping” sound. There was alot of blood but still no baby.
My clinic called me around 8 am to let me know that they couldn’t schedule my DnC for today with the OB From last night because the ORs were full. It was Friday, July 13th, but they could do it the next day. In the kindest, sweetest voice I could muster (sarcasm) I demanded to see my actual doctor right now, I went through hell all night and he would see me now. She got off the phone to talk to his medical assistant who told her yes, I was right, I would see him right now. Have I mentioned I love her? Serious side note.
My doctors medical assistant has held my hand this entire pregnancy, answered every phone call, gotten me in asap when I thought something was wrong. Honestly she deserves an award.
My doctor too has been amazing. He has been kind and serious abd consoling when I needed it.
I ended up going to see my doctor around 8:30 that morning and when I undressed to be examined, my little baby was resting peacefully on my clean pad. For some reason the timing of it all worked out.
I gave birth to a 0.7 ounce, 0.9 inch, 9 week old baby. My baby, had two arms, two legs, tiny black eyes, and elbows and knees. It looked like a little pink doll baby, and absolutely broke my heart.
In my doctors office, after being examined he told me I had dilated at 5 CM, and I was definitely in labor all night, sorry he’s great, but NO DUH. He used forceps to remove some of my placenta that was not yet fully birthed. After an ultrasound he determined that I had some remaining tissue and he needed to get me in for a DnC now so that I wouldn’t get an infection.
Not even 2 hours later I was out of surgery and on my way to my mother in laws to wait for my husband to come pick me up. I was able to eat 2 pancakes (finally food!, I havent eaten in 24 hours at this point) and take a 4 hour nap before my husband arrived and boy was I so happy to see him and for him to take me home!
There are more then 3 million miscarriages in the US each year, but for some reason it’s never talked about.
These are some of the few stories I could find that have great links to help anyone going through what I did.
My miscarriage was not my fault. Whether there was something genetic going on, or how my uterus was shaped, or whatever happened.. It was completely out of my control. I did everything right for my sweet baby, I are right, tried to walk and not be lazy, went to school everyday. Sometimes, these things just happen, please don’t ever think losing your baby is your fault or that you are alone.
Thank you for reading my story.
Much love mommas!